I have promised myself that I would not sink to such depths. I will refuse to slacken my vigilance against falling into the morass. I will not use made-up corporate faux-words. I will not say “uncomplicate”, say “impact” when I mean “affect”; I will do my best to say “use” instead of “utilize”, I will “make it a priority” not “prioritize it”. But I don’t think I’ll have to be too careful about falling so far as someone I heard in a meeting.
When speaking about motivating employees, someone used (in all seriousness) the word “incentivize”. If that wasn’t bad enough (which it ought to have been), the person to whom she was speaking, in the course of her answer, used the word “incented”. The context indicated that she used it to mean “offered incentives”; I was struck dumb. (Well, okay, I wasn’t needing to speak, but if I had, I wouldn’t have been able to.)
Well, we should all take advantage of our edjamakashuns and imaginate some stellular ideas to incent our FTEs to uncomplicate our processes to leverage our synergies across all our core competencies. *
I’m going to go wash my hands and brush my teeth now. I feel… dirty.
*All but the first nonsense word I have actually heard used in a business context without irony.
Listening to: Leo Kottke – Essential Leo Kottke – 16 – Sleepwalk